Blog 1 : Masculinities impact on men in our society

February 19, 2024.

Brianna Menshick

Being in a class about men and masculinity, I’ve already learned and read a short story and documentary about the struggles on being masculine enough growing up in society. For example in the short story: “Guys’ Club: No Faggots, Bitches, Or Pussies Allowed”, Carlos battles with his masculinity internally such as when he painted his nails and thought no harm of it, till the people in his neighbourhood bullied him for it, telling him that’s gay. That was just one of his first experiences that made him question his masculinity. On the contrary, in the documentary I watched called “Invicible”, the boy, Marc battles with his masculinity by lashing out and being troublesome to hide his struggles mentally, to off put feeling weak. For Carlos, his masculinity externally was perceived as “not strongly masculine” based on his choices, such as him wearing nail polish and going to a gay club, etc… It made him go on a journey of understanding himself and how he interpreted his masculinity. For Marc, his masculinity externally was perceived as acting out to seem big and tough. Though he acted “more masculine” than Carlos per se, he felt weak due to his internal battle with his mental health which is why he tried to hide it by acting mischievous in the first place.

 The people around Carlos shaped his journey in understanding himself. He learnt how masculinity is different in different cultures upon his travelling to Africa, he learnt how acting “more feminine” immediately made a guy seem gay or weak in America. Although, Carlos didn’t care for society’s stigma on masculinity, he became comfortable in himself and started to not care how people perceived him as he knew who he was deep down. As for Marc, the institution shaped him by making him feel emotionally isolated, leading him to struggle more with his mental battle. He felt misunderstood and alone. His self esteem became extremely low, and he reached his breaking point in the end losing his own battle within himself.

Reading Carlos’ story and watching the short documentary definitely made me question things and have a different mindset and understanding for men and what they go through. I realized just how daunting and how much pressure is expected and held on them due to stupid stigmas. It’s norms like “you always have to be the one in control, and do all the work so you show how strong and tough you are”, that makes life more complicated and pressuring for men. It’s disappointing knowing they feel the need to often act tough and not show emotions just to appeal to others, even though it’s just contradicting their own selves. It made me happy reading Carlos’ story, that he didn’t follow these stigmas and became authentically himself, not letting anyone or anything change that. Carlos’ story is a great way to inspire and motivate other men to break the societal norms and standards on what masculinity is “supposed to be.” It broke my heart watching the documentary and seeing how Marc struggled and didn’t get the help he needed before it was too late for him. I believe it’s truly so important to break these societal standards on men and let them know its ok to be vulnerable and that they’re not weak for showing emotions, and that it’s not “gay” to paint their nails or do whatever it is they want. 

To conclude, both stories tell two different experiences about the boy’s journeys with their masculinity. One side shows the more negative impact on men’s mental health while the other shows how societal standards can shape and impact men’s views and expectations,but how they don’t have to let that control them. It gives you two different perspectives and shows how dire we need to change these certain expectations and impacts on men.