Blog 1: Breaking Free

From out of the womb, everything is chosen for us boys. Starting with our clothing which is all “masculine colours”, forget wearing pink because that would mean you were a girl and how awful would it be if you dressed your little boy like a GIRL? Even before birth everything from toys, cribs, strollers and even the colour of our rooms are specially curated to match what society associates with the male gender. This is just the beginning, the path we are expected to follow only gets increasingly narrow as we grow into adults. Do you ever want to forget what other people think? Deviate from society’s expectations of us? Don’t you want to be free? By fusing the ideas of masculinity and society’s expectations from Marc’s experience in Lortie’s “Invincible” and Carlos’ point of view in chapter 3 of his book “Man Up”, these two pieces demonstrate that there exists a yearning for liberation, a desire to break free from the confines of expectation and carve our own path.

The narratives of Marc and Carlos, depicted in their respective stories, serve as reflections of this struggle against society’s expectations of them. In the movie “Invincible,” Marc finds himself trapped within the suffocating walls of a juvenile detention center when all he wants to do is be with his family. He is forced to conform to the hardened exterior expected of him, he longs for the freedom to express his true emotions, an effort made when he tried to present the poem about his feelings, and nobody paid attention to it. The institution, with its rigid rules and cold demeanour, serves as a metaphorical representation of the societal constructs that seek to mould him into a certain mould of masculinity. He only feels like himself when he is with his sister, where judgment holds no value, and he can express himself.

Similarly, Carlos navigates the treacherous waters of societal expectations in his journey. From a young age, he learns that deviation from traditional gender norms invites scorn and retribution. Like when he painted his nails, was laughed at, and called horrible homophobic slurs. On top of that, when he goes home crying, his aunt just says, “I tried to tell you, Carlos Andres, but you wouldn’t listen”. Instead of encouraging him to be himself and not care about what the other little boys say, she just reinforces the fact that it isn’t “okay” to want to do “girly things”. This lack of consolation from an important figure is like Luc’s lack of empathy for Marc when instead of finding ways of encouraging him, he punishes him, representing the coldness of the institution he represents, but I will get more into this later.

Another theme in these two stories, but mostly Carlos’, is how women characteristics are always portrayed as “weak” or “emotional”. Men like to associate vulgar words associated with women as a way of shaming another man or calling them weak. But why is this? Why is being called a woman or being referred to as something a woman has or feels a bad thing? This is because being compared to a woman makes men feel less masculine. That’s why men who show too much emotion, like Carlos when he says, “I’ve always been very sensitive”, are scrutinized and called names like “pussy” and “bitch” to put them down and make them feel like they are less of a man. Which is really messed up. Not only are you putting down a man for expressing his emotions, but you are also saying that being a woman is a bad thing. We all have mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, friends, and neighbours who are women, and we love and care for them. So why do we put down all these strong and powerful women, by comparing NORMAL men who go through NORMAL HUMAN EMOTIONS to vulgar and misused words that are just pointless? An obvious answer would be the fact that society has set unreasonable standards for men. While we may not physically be forced to follow the path predetermined for us, it would be dangerous for our mental well-being to deviate from it. Like Carlos with the fear of not fitting in and being rejected by society and his father. And Marc, with the fear of expressing how he truly feels but can’t because the institution he resides in encourages him to stay silent, to be more of what they call “a man”.

 Carlos was forced to suppress his true self to appease his father’s vision of masculinity, he finds himself trapped in a cycle of conformity. Homophobia becomes almost a method of survival because being gay is not being masculine therefore he is not being the man society and his father want him to be. The gym becomes his sanctuary, not out of passion, but out of obligation to fulfill his father’s expectations. He always felt like he wasn’t good enough of a son for his father because he didn’t particularly like all the typical “masculine” things the other boys and his brother were doing to make their fathers proud, like playing sports. The fear of disappointing his father is a big fear of his, stifling any semblance of individuality or emotional expression. Like Carlos’ father, Luc served as an authority figure to Marc who enforced masculinity upon him by making sure he wouldn’t stray from the institution’s expectations of him and scolding him/ punishing him when he would. This is like Carlos’s father being disappointed in him which deters him from doing what he wants to do, which is to be himself, an individual.

Marc’s daring escape from the detention center symbolizes his refusal to be shackled by societal norms, his yearning for freedom echoing the sentiments of countless others trapped within the confines of expectation. Similarly, Carlos finds inspiration in Zambia when he sees that men can display emotion and affection without being judged. He longs for that and that’s his idea of freedom. Carlos loves the sense of individuality these Zambian men have. Not only can they show love without it being sexualized, but it is ENCOURAGED to be affectionate with other men. This is interesting because, in the West, you rarely see this sort of innocent intimacy between men without being shamed and called a “faggot”. Additionally, same-gender affection is usually only limited to women in the Western world. Seeing two women holding hands in public wouldn’t be a problem, but the second there are two men, westerners think “Those men have to be gay”, they are immediately judged, and seen as not masculine. This again shames men for being individuals while putting down women at the same time—two birds with one word. As men, we must be aware that we CAN be who we want to be without having to put down another person or gender. It is we who must reshape institutions into creating not masculine men, but individual men. Instead of forcing young “troubled” boys like Marc into silencing their voices, we should be able to encourage them to speak up and express their emotions and feelings instead of flushing them down a narrow, one-way path that disregards what it means to be a man. In the case of Marc, having a sympathetic authority figure, who tried to listen instead of enforcing the institution’s unrealistic expectations of masculinity, as Luc did, may have saved his life.

In conclusion, the tales of Marc and Carlos serve as powerful reminders of the inherent human desire for autonomy and self-expression. In a world dictated by rigid gender roles and societal expectations, the journey toward liberation is filled with obstacles. However, by daring to challenge the status quo and embrace their true selves, they illuminate a path toward freedom for all those who dare to follow. These two stories pave a new path where masculinity isn’t predetermined for them, where it isn’t forced upon them, where they don’t have to be masculine men— but individuals.