Oral Blog Post: Boys Vs. Girls Meme

There is a common saying that is often brought up when people start discussing relationships to their friends and families: communication is key. Oftentimes, people – both men and women – have difficulty communicating with one another, which in turn damages relationships and oftentimes leads to misinformation and confusion amongst people. Over time, people have noticed these differences in the way men and women speak to one another and have chosen to exaggerate the differences as a means to shed light on the problem, resulting in a string of memes being brought to life commonly known as the Guys vs. Girls meme (although it has other names). This meme format highlights the perceived differences in how men and women communicate, express emotions, and approach various situations. While exaggerated for comedic effect, it reflects a common observation that gender socialization can lead to distinct communication styles and perspectives between the sexes.

In this meme, one can see a pair of girls and a pair of guys talking to one another in some context, situation or prompt. The girls would then talk to each other with the use of text, followed by the guys talking with one another. However, the two conversations – both discussing the same context/situation/prompt – are vastly different from one another in most cases. 

Oftentimes, the conversations held by the women are long-worded and aimed to be more “nice” untoward each other, whereas the guys have a very stoic/spartan type of short speech and would rather say some very bizarre things towards one another, which in turn sometimes means that they are rude to one another. 

These memes were written up around the same time as the “for the boys” meme or “boys will be boys” meme, which are similar. Ultimately, most men reading these memes tend to be able to understand what the two guys in the meme mean when they speak to one another. This meme spreads the stereotype that guys are often misunderstood by women and mostly understood by other men, which is a sad but proven truth. These memes also comment on the societal norm that men have difficulty understanding women – this idea can be found in other memes, like the memes regarding men not understanding when a woman tries to flirt.

The differences between the two conversations helps us understand that being masculine can still imply being stoic and sometimes out of pocket. However, the comedic value of the meme can also be used as a way to allow for change in the way men and women communicate, resulting in a less-confusing system of communication between both groups. 

Blog 2: Masculinity as Homophobia

by Theodore Galiatsatos – March 26th, 2024

When considering the definition of the word “homophobia”, the first thought that comes to mind is often its definition as the irrational fear of LGBTQIA+ individuals. However, when considering the definition of the word from a masculine perspective, it can also be considered literally: “homo” and “phobia”, meaning an irrational fear of men. By dissecting the word “homophobia” into its components -”homo” and “phobia” – Michael S. Kimmel unveils a new and profound insight in his work Masculinity as Homophobia: at its core, homophobia may also signify a personal dread of not meeting the societal standards of masculinity – standards that can change from one place to the next. Through this masculine lens, homophobia becomes a manifestation, or paranoia, of the fear that other men will expose one’s inadequacies, leaving one vulnerable to emasculation. In Masculinity as Homophobia, Kimmel defines homophobia as “the fear (or paranoia) that other men will unmask us, emasculate us, reveal to us and the world that we do not measure up, that we are not real men” (Kimmel 1), further promoting this idea. Masculinity as Homophobia develops this definition even further in an attempt to explain why men act a certain way – out of fear that they would be deemed unmasculine by others – and why certain extremist groups can be formed from this paranoia. Examples that prove Kimmel’s definition can be found in publications other than texts, such as VICE News’ Charlottesville: Race and Terror and The Fifth Estate’s Inside Incel: Alek Minassian and Online Misogyny, as well as public speeches such as the talk from Will James.

Kimmel’s definition resonates with a large number of men, since most men share this paranoia. It is known that the definition of masculinity is constructed around rigid norms and expectations. Within this construct, any deviation from the prescribed ideals of manhood can evoke anxiety and insecurity in men, since others might pick up on these deviations and emasculate those who break the norms. And so, how do men combat this fear? They usually turn to violence and isolation, since those two methods appear to work best at concealing one’s insecurities. Consequently, individuals may resort to defensive posturing and aggression to safeguard their perceived masculinity, perpetuating a cycle of fear and oppression. Moreover, Kimmel’s analysis extends beyond individual psychology to elude the dynamics of group behavior and extremist ideologies. By positing that homophobia stems from a collective paranoia about failing to embody ‘true’ masculinity, he offers a framework for understanding the formation of extremist groups such as white supremist Neo-Nazis and incels. These groups often coalesce around the shared fear of emasculation, employing violence and discrimination as tools to assert dominance and maintain their perceived superiority as a means to hide their insecurities behind a temporary facade.

VICE News’ Charlottesville: Race and Terror depicts the effects that masculine homophobia can have on racial violence, and how this “group mentality” bolsters confidence in insecure men whilst also increasing their violent tendencies. Throughout the documentary, various groups of white Neo-Nazis are seen gathering together to quell protesters clamoring for the removal of a statue in Charlottesville. Throughout the interview, several violent attacks are started by the white mob, such as the first attack at the start of the film, wherein many men use racism as a means to justify their violence, clamoring “Whose streets? Our streets!” at the top of their lungs. However, most of the men depicted appear to be, at a glance, insecure about their social supremacy as white individuals – their perceived power, once the status quo in a bygone era, is no longer in the modern day and age. By uniting under a common banner, these men find a way to hide those insecurities whilst promoting their more masculine facades. However, these violent tendencies can easily reach a point where they become criminal: near to the end of the interviews, a scene is depicted where a Neo-Nazi drives his car into a crowd of protesters, injuring many and killing one, before quickly driving away. When asked as to why the driver might have done what he did, the main interviewee – a man by the name of Christopher Cantwell – invents a completely bizarre reason, fully ignoring what truly occurred, stating that the driver felt threatened by the attacking mob. Charlottesville: Race and Terror therefore vividly depicts the consequences of unchecked masculinity and its effects on racism, and how Neo-Nazi groups can be formed from the insecurities of individual men when faced with the perceived “threat” imposed by non-white individuals.

Another prime example of the effects of masculine insecurity can stem from The Fifth Estate’s Inside Incel: Alek Minassian and Online Misogyny. Unlike the Neo-Nazis who feel insecure about their surroundings, incels (involuntary celibates) are people who tend to be insecure about themselves and how women perceive them. The end result is rather similar to the Neo-Nazis and how they unite, however in the case of incels they unite in the digital world on forums and chat rooms hidden from mainstream media. Will James, a public speaker who spoke to a group of students at Vanier College recently, further warned the student body of the risks that these online influences can have on younger men, and how these influences can further promote incel behavior online. These incel groups use misogyny as a means to promote their violence in a similar way that Neo-Nazis use blatant racism. Through interviews with former incels and experts, the documentary exposes the beliefs of these individuals, who harbor resentment and hostility towards women for not conforming to their idealized standards of femininity. Within the incel community, masculinity is often equated with sexual conquest and dominance over women. The inability to attract romantic partners is perceived as a personal failure and a direct affront to one’s masculinity. This sense of emasculation fuels a culture of resentment and misogyny, where women are objectified and dehumanized. As the title suggests, Alek Minassian, the perpetrator of the 2018 Toronto van attack, serves as a focal point for understanding the extreme consequences of unchecked misogyny and male entitlement. Alek Minassian’s heinous act, in which he deliberately targeted pedestrians, predominantly women, echoes the sentiments espoused within the incel community. His actions were fueled by a sense of entitlement and a desire to exact revenge on society for his perceived rejection. By delving into Minassian’s online activities and interactions with fellow incels, the documentary exposes the very same chat rooms that reinforce and validate extremist ideologies rooted in misogyny and male supremacy.

Ultimately, Kimmel’s work serves as a poignant reminder of the intricate interplay between insecure men and how they chose to unite through violence to hide their insecurities, urging us to confront the roots of homophobia and strive for a more inclusive and empathetic understanding of gender identity before these violent acts propagate through the next generation of men in our society.

Blog Post 1 – What’s the Definition of “Masculinity”?

Outright, it’s hard for me to express my thoughts on masculinity in a simple way – mainly because I don’t know what I’m talking about, even though I know exactly what I’m talking about (bear with me for a sec). Here’s the big picture: I can’t fully explain what being a man is all about, which is for all the right reasons and not because my views on the topic are hard for others to understand (trust me, they aren’t). Rather, it’s because I’m confused – actually, I’m very confused – about the words “masculinity”, and “man” and “masculine” (and every word that has to do with the subject): what do those words mean? They’re so vague, so described, so stagnant and yet so quick to change with the times. 

Once, some time ago, being masculine meant being tough and dominant and strong enough to provide for those who weren’t. Even the most powerful political speaker in the House of Commons, Winston Churchill, put it quite clearly during one of his speeches: “A man does what he must – in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures – and that is the basis of all human morality”. And yet, a few decades (not centuries) later and in a different corner of the world, the word’s meaning is changing at an alarming rate and people are struggling to rediscover it. Being a man no longer requires a person to be emotionless and ready for war – some might argue that being a man no longer requires a person to be born as a man either. And so, here’s why it’s difficult for me to express my thoughts on masculinity: the definition of the word is constantly changing from one place to the next. But why does the word’s meaning change from place to place? And how can a person’s environment change their views on masculinity? Well, here’s the short answer: 

The idea of masculinity is not a fixed idea but rather a constantly changing concept shaped by societal norms, needs and wants which vary from place to place. This implies that the word changes from one environment to the next, due to a large number of factors and individual perspectives.

Ready for the long answer? Great. First of all, you need to know where my data is coming from. The idea of a constantly changing definition of masculinity can be found in several works of art, whether it be poetics or even written works such as Carlos Gomez’s Guys Club: No Faggots, Bitches or Pussies Allowed. In the story, the protagonist Carlos is forced to endure the confusion caused by the ever changing definition of masculinity, and he learns to overcome the issue and figure out his own definition of masculinity. 

In Guys Club, Carlos goes on a trip down to Colombia to visit his extended family when he notices his aunt and sister painting their nails. Carlos manages to get his nails painted as well after practically begging them to do it, however he later regrets the decision when he gets made fun of by other kids his age, who call him a faggot. Carlos was faced with a shock he wasn’t ready to face: a wholly different definition of masculinity from the one he was accustomed to. Carlos’s new environment had clear societal norms which dictated what men should and should not do – in this case, the idea that guys shouldn’t paint their nails. However, Carlos was not accustomed to those different norms and because of that he left Colombia worse for wear. 

That being said, Carlos returns to the US and grows old. One day, he comes across a news article about Jenna Lyons taking a selfie with her baby boy, whose toenails were painted a flamboyant pink just like Carlos’s nails were painted so many years prior. The selfie generates loads of debate and backlash on the internet, which deeply affects Carlos. He then comes to a realisation that being masculine in the US should not mimic the strict norms of Colombia – rather, he comes to the realisation that the truest definition of masculinity is that of freedom. The freedom to express oneself without restrictions, to question anything and everything humanly possible, and to paint one’s nails any way they want without having to fear getting backlashes because of it.

And so, that’s why I can’t really tell you what being masculine is all about, even though I know my own definition of the word really well. Masculinity is what you make of it – it’s your own definition. As for the “global” definition of the word, it’s really just the average idea that most people in a society share. And so, if you want to figure out what being masculine is all about, I’d suggest you look around your neighbourhood and see what people want and need with your own two eyes. Find out for yourself what being a guy is all about. Most importantly, try to find as many definitions for the word as possible and not just the most accepted one – after all, the more definitions we as a society accept the better it would be for all of us.

Bibliography:

Gómez, Carlos Andrés “Guys Club: No Faggots, Bitches, or Pussies Allowed.” Man up: Cracking the Code of Modern Manhood, Gotham Books, 2012, pp. 65–83.