Blog 1: Self-expression vs conformity

In both the film Invincible and the short story Guys’ Club, masculinity is strictly defined by the same guidelines which our society follows. To be a man you must be stoic and brave, never letting any emotions in or succumbing to any “weakness” by shedding so much as a tear. These harsh rules are successful at enforcing what is expected of men, but also causes pain for those who do not conform to the strict standards of our society and act in any other way than is expected.

The protagonists of both stories suffer greatly under the toxic rules set out by society, yet they must follow them for fear of backlash towards any dissenter against the norm. Any sign of femininity or supposed weakness can cause a harsh response, leading to an enforcement of the values which continue to harm more than anything else. This response can range from insults to physical violence, as disproportionate hatred is leveraged for simple acts of self expression. In the short story, Carlos quickly learns the consequences of non conformity, as he is called “faggot” by other kids simply for wearing nail polish at the age of six. These cruel habits are even displayed by young kids as men are often disciplined by others at a young age to keep out any ideas which could challenge existing notions of masculinity. As long as traditional perceptions of men are maintained, no matter how outdated or toxic they may be, this is deemed by many to be a victory despite the costs, and there are many. In the film Invincibles, Marc dies trying to escape the cruel life he has found himself in, constantly subject to torment and misery in the juvenile detention center he has been sent to. Stuck in a toxic environment where toughness is essential, Marc struggles to survive without any warmth or emotion, as his exterior must always be emotionless and stoic to fit in with the others. He misses his family and his past moments of vulnerability, as the juvenile detention center has blocked out all the happiness in his life and replaced it with the coldness and loneliness they expect is necessary to become a real man. 

While cruel and unnecessary, the efforts of society seem to have success in quelling any other notions of masculinity besides the toxic beliefs of the mainstream. Outliers are forced to conform to the masses or be shunned from society, and even an action so innocent as painting one’s nails can create enough backlash to cause conformity, or even the adoption of a completely different set of opinions and ideals. Even someone so passionate and independent towards their beliefs such as Carlos can slowly start to subconsciously adopt certain homophobic opinions through exposure and influence from toxic masculinity. In our society there is no place for differing opinions, and if one does not think or act the way others think they should, they will be bullied or ridiculed until they change. 

Both the short story and the film really opened my eyes to the influence thoughts and actions can have on others, as both Carlos and Marc were treated terribly and struggled greatly against the toxic actions and statements of others. Marc was even driven to suicide due to his inability to deal with the negative space created by all the actions of those around him, as he was shown coldness and anger when all he wanted, and needed, was the warmth and kindness he used to feel when he was with his family. Carlos always lived with fear of the way his actions could be perceived, and when he accidentally went to the gay club he feared the repercussions from his family if they thought he went there on purpose. All these adverse reactions towards other forms of masculinity only cause pain to others, and in extreme cases even lead to death for men who cannot live with the cruel expectations of society.

These stories have truly opened my eyes to the suffering and bullying of men who do not conform to society’s toxic view of masculinity, and I realize I have to do better to ensure everyone feels comfortable to express themselves in the way they see fit. Nobody should feel shame to be the man they wish to be, whether that entails lifting weights or painting their nails, and hopefully we can create a change so society can finally understand that even if not all men are the same, we are all equal and deserve respect.